Posted on Facebook on Friday, February 4, 2011 at 1:20pm
Last night was an especially painful one. The fact that I'm able to reach the keyboard is practically miraculous in itself. When my helper went to the store and Hubby was still sleeping, a song started to rise up in my heart. An OLD Twila Paris tune. Very simple but profound. "Oh,Lord...You have been good. You have been faithful to all generations. Oh Lord, Your steadfast Love and tender Mercies have been our Salvation. For by Your Hand we have been fed. And by You Spirit, we have been led...Oh Lord..."
Such a simple yet profound song of acknowledgement and praise to our God Who IS the sustainer of EVERYTHING! Just welling up inside me as that song rang out in my spirit... the recollection of last night. How many times and how many hours my precious and devoted husband worked and struggled to get me out of pain. He was so exhausted....so stressed. Seemed so little he did helped...as hard and long as he tried. So much love restrained him from simply throwing up his hands in despair. He kept trying and kept trying...till the wee hrs of the morning. It was 4 when I just couldn't handle any more of the day. He was too stressed to sleep. I don't know when he went to bed.
Remembering this today, along with the words to that song, the Lord whispered another reminder in my heart. A long time ago I was given a promise from Him, that there WOULD be arms to hold me. But I MUST remember it would be my FATHER"S Love that would flow though those arms. I took that as a Holy Promise that I would be married one day. 13yrs later, He fulfilled that promise through Bill. Last night became a powerful illustration......
How long have I been broken spiritually...perhaps in pain but too tense to even KNOW if all the attempts my Loving Father are making to heal me are working, or maybe even have gone unappreciated??? How many times has He tried to comfort me but I'm so caught up in my misery that I can't even receive it.... or maybe don't even NOTICE! How many times have I turned to a pain killer, muscle relaxer, or decongestant, rather than the One who can Actually FIX me???
Thats EXACTLY what Bill was trying to do last night. He tried and tried and used so much energy. The revelation this morning was, only GOD can "fix" me. So I prayed and asked Him to fix me. What ever that means. Now I wonder how many things need fixing that ONLY HE knows about.
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After reading that, this came to me. There are so many spiritual things broken or left unfinished. No band-aid or pill would ever cure or treat these. Today, while listening to another song, "let it rain," the prayer started from inside... "Lord rain on us and reign IN us. For without your Reign AND Your Rain we will never be what You want us to be." Now while writing this, it seems apparent that without Jesus Reigning as King and Lord and having complete Rule over me, I quite possibly NEVER benefit from His Rain, aside from a fleeting burst of pleasant emotion. So if you beg for God to "Show you His Glory" or "Let It Rain" or "Let the River Flow" and you just LIVE from weekend to weekend to get that rush... Just maybe its time to examine who's Reigning Monday-Thursday (or Sat).
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